Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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