i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
A+ Viking dick
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
