you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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