my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
