Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize