No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
