There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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