Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
