pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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