I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
