Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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