Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
