Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
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