i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
