I look better un-naked...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I fill condoms, not promises.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
