So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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