Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
