just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize