the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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