Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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