That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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