he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
