So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Randomize
