There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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