my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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