i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
