She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
zippers are such a cool invention
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
