FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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