I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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