I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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