I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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