everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
