What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
we're so committed to being not committed
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
