so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
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