Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
