Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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