my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
