took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
