Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
