drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
