i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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