if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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