I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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