when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
