i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Let the clothes fall where they may.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
