Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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