he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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