i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
