I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
