your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
