My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
