I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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