Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
