You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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