dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
