I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
