I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he puts the penis in happiness.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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