Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
