You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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