no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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