im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
can u get pink eye on your cock?
How's work?
Spinning.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
