genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
