I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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