It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize