I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
