theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
