Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
