She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
