Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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