we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
