return my video game
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
