so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
