so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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