Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
