im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
