We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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