I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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